Lita Ford and the Florida Turnpike

Day one over and all is well. CC and Sol are breakfasting with Carol Kuhnert in Jacksonville, meaning Folger's and Camels. The Navy breakfast, except the military has restrictions on who even they will admit and I'm pretty sure it does not include itinerant and often intermittent work behaviors of guides. The things that stand out from day one on the road are...

1. Lita Ford still rocks! Kiss me Deadly is a hit in my mind. Although I don't know if it is because the tune is catchy or I still have a teenage crush on this Blond Rocker Chick? Before going solo, she was a member of the all girls rock band, The Runaways. You may also remember her singing a duet with Ozzy Osbourne, Close my eyes forever, which is a great slow dance tune you still may hear at mid-west weddings.


2. People in Florida are abysmal drivers. I have always believed that FLA is the cesspool of the eastern seaboard, and yesterdays drivers confirm that fact. The automobile blinker is an indicator to where you would like to move your vehicle. They must not install them on cars from the deep south. Freakin' dangerous driving behaviors. Go back to NJ and learn how to drive.


3. I saw five live and lit cigarette's expelled from the window of inconsiderate and thoughtless drivers. I know they do not install ashtrays in cars anymore, but put it in that empty Coors Lite can for God's sake. I knew there was a use for the Silver Bullet, it is certainly not good for anything else. Note: This is the same individual that walks in front of you, opens the door to a retail joint, and lets the door close directly behind them, and directly in front of you. I despise these folks whose only goal in life is personal. Self Centered Pricks! I really want to slap them, but generally take the high road.


4. AM Radio stations, which I am a fan of, in Florida consist of 3 genre's. Religious, financial, and Latin. None of which I enjoy. There's nothing quite like listening to Spanish speaking, Jewish oriented investment babble. I can drive for hours listening to static driven talk radio, but have to defer to books on tape while in FLA.
5. Ran into your Grandmom-mom Hortense in Vero Beach at the Royal Fork Buffet. She wanted me to pass on this message..."You never call, you never write, and by God will you send the pictures of the grandkids."
6. Travelling on the Florida Turnpike is an interesting trip. It is an insulated highway with very few exits, and the occasional rest stop, but the rest stops have food services and tourist type stuff...knock off perfumes and cologne's, tacky polyester patterned shirts, overpriced bottled water, and of course the longest lines were for the Starbuck's franchise. Could not find a cup of Folger's to save my life.
7. Toll booths that require and additional $1 to continue. These occur about every 2 cigarettes. Found a pattern developing as we drove. The female attendants were not very nice. No eye contact, no smiling, no Thank You's...so no thank you. The male attendants were friendly, chatty, and told us jokes. Q: "What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley rider? A: The vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside. Had to laugh, it is a variation on the Volvo/Porcupine joke.

Day two ahead of us, Georgia and some other states including Kentucky, Tennessee, and ending at a Motel 6 tonight. I have a weird obsession with Tom Bodet and Motel 6. I don't know the underlying mental deficiencies that fuel this psychosomatic response, but I do know that I cannot stop driving until I see the friendly red, white, and blue sign.

Part 2 of Capt. Carp and Sol Last Keys Adventure coming tomorrow.

Until then, I will be driving the world's best vehicle, speaking with my broker about GM stock, buying cartons of Camel's in Kentucky for $24, and keeping Capt. Carp out of Firework's Warehouses and Gentleman's Clubs.