One of the oddest happenings in my boat, and there have been lots of them, in the last ten years has to do with urination. Not a real pleasant topic, but it is one of those events that is better if you weren't there.The client in front of the boat asks "Would you like me to pee in or out of the boat?" I replied, "Oh, inside is fine if you are comfortable with that." It is pretty common for men to just lean over and let 'er fly, or dribble, if you will...I have actually seen women do it too...off the back of the boat, the hardcore gals that is.
Some folks are more comfortable going to shore and wandering a distance from the boat and taking care of business is somewhat of a private environ. Those who possess the "Stage Fright Trait", commonly exhibited in stadiums with 37 dudes shoulder to shoulder, prefer this method.
The most common method is to rest your knees on the gunwale and hang your junk over the side of the vessel. Some drips may come in contact with the inside of the boat, but generally a negligible amount. They always say that urine is sterile, so no big deal if this happens.
I was rooting around in the icebox for a Coke for myself and the guest in the back of the boat...when I turned toward the front of the boat, I see the front of the boat fellow anchored in the knee locks and facing forward. His waders are below his waist and the unmistakable sound of pee reverberating off fiberglass. I turned to the guest in back and ask,"Is he peeing in the boat?!?%#!" He replied "Yes, I believe so." My next confused/exasperated comment was predictably, "Are you expletive pissing in my boat!!??"
Those of you who have fished in a late model Clackacraft may have recognized that there is a small drain hole at the base of the bow plate, allowing rain water to drain out. It's for H2O moisture removal only, not the alternative.
Client in the back states, "Of course he is, he does stupid shit like that all the time. I've known him for 25 years, and it doesn't surprise me a bit." Client in front says, "Well there is a drain hole up here for just this purpose, those folks at Clacka have thought of everything. You said it was OK. I asked you In or Out? You said In right?" In a quite rare moment of speechlessness I conjured a response. "I said it was OK to pee standing inside the boat, with the intention of the liquid toxins leaving the boat towards the water. Not to pee inside the boat proper!!
So, that is one of the strangest events to occur in my boat since my uneventful birth as a guide. Pretty damn odd don't ya think.
Capt. Carp Dead Song of the Day: Althea
Strange Guide Behavior of the Day: Finding an overpriced set of oar blades that don't drip too loud, drip patterns are important when you spend 100+ days in the middle seat. Any extraneous noises drive me up a tree...really.
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Last year I had a client leave me an unusual and quite unwelcome "tip" in my boat. A used water bottle full of piss. I won't name the accused, but this same man is a mogul in the flower industry. As a young man he figured out how to make a Chrysanthemum bloom anytime of the year. He went on to set up a global growing production, which he recently sold to a Japanese beer company you may have heard of. Consequently they have that same flower on the label of their product, which is also on Japan's national seal. The man who sold the Clydesdales to Budweiser probably would at least have taken his piss with him.
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